Never Judge a Book by its Cover

don't judge others

“Don’t judge a book by its cover.”

― George Eliot

Going by the quote, I remember one incident.

Although it’s been years now, I still clearly remember that Sunday afternoon when I sat along with my sisters to watch TV. Back then, Sunday’s were all about watching movies together. It seems like I sound pretty old times, but it’s just a few years back when families actually use to binge watch together. Getting back to the topic, being siblings, we share a common love for Horror films – Yay! Might sound crazy but we do are horror-fanatic. And while surfing through the channels – we came across a movie name Insidious: Chapter 2. Now, for those who don’t follow this genre; Insidious is a supernatural horror film directed by James Wan.

Back to the Story…

We were so engrossed in the film that we didn’t even realize that there was a visitor at our home. There was a lady who came to visit mom. I didn’t even know who the lady was, but through her appearance, she seemed like a normal middle-aged woman who would probably be a housewife and didn’t much appear to be literate. Now, sorry for sounding so judgemental but somehow, we all are. I’m sure each of us has drawn that line of presumption around people some or the other point of time. Observing us immersed in the movie, she asked me the name of the film we were watching. And to my immediate presumption, I assumed she wouldn’t know nor understand the movie as it was a Hollywood film.

Therefore, I just answered her saying, ‘it’s an English Film.’

To which she immediately responded ‘yes, but which film?’

I hesitated but replied her with the movie name and her response left us all in surprised.

She said, ‘Oh, that movie! It’s a wonderful film. You should watch the chapter1 too. I have watched both parts and loved it.’

I weakly smiled at her, and my heart was filled with guilt. Even though it’s such a small thing, but that day certainly thought me something valuable that is, never judge a person on his appearance. It was a life lesson for me.

You Need to Stop Assuming!!!

We often judge people based upon their external appearance. However, it is observed that once you get to know the person and see what’s on the inside, the reality is completely different then what you had imagined. No matter how vulnerable a person may claim to be, every Tom, Dick, and Harry makes presumptions about others which are strictly based on first impressions. You merely see someone for a split second, and you make assumptions on their attitude, personality, and character. However, our actions, or inaction’s, and how we treat others are often influenced by these naive and often imprecise first impressions.

You’re not Everyone’s Cup of Tea

Like most teen girls, I always struggle to fit in the squad and be liked by my other classmates. We all are guided from our childhood always to be yourself and nice to people, and eventually, people will like you. But, it was never that simple for me. I always tried my best to fit in by doing things that are loved by others such as wearing clothes that the other girls wear, makeup according to the latest trends or watching TV shows that are liked by all and playing games that are played by all. But the fact that I was never really into makeup, what they were wearing wasn’t really my style, TV Shows or the games they played were never in my interest. In a moment of desperation to be liked by everyone, I started forcing myself into someone I wasn’t.

Sure at the core, I was still the same old person, but since I knew that the society accepts those who follow the troop and behave in a certain way, it sometime use to overburden me with doubt. I had a handful of friends throughout my school and college, and soon I realise that no amount of common ground would ever make some people like me. Certainly, we all have gone through this phase in our life where we change our preferences, interest, looks or behaviour with a motive to be accepted and liked by someone. We all want to be accepted and acknowledged. Unfortunately, we live in the world where people take one quick look at you and decide whether to include you in their circle or not.

Surround Yourself with People who Love you

The world is jam-packed with people who will always nag, judge and pull you down. No matter what you do or how hard you try, they simply won’t like you. Some people love you, fiercely. Keep them safe because they are your people. Stop trying to please the ones who aren’t your people. They won’t buy what you’re selling. You can never be their cup of tea, and neither will they be yours. Don’t expect them to walk your path with you. They won’t ever understand. Politely wave them away as you move ahead. Share your path with the ones who appreciate and know your worth. Always be who you are and cherish your true self for that’s what is more important. Because you’re not everyone’s cup of tea and that’s completely Okay!

Not just a Phase…

I’m okay I’m okay

These words seem so heavy

I don’t know who am I consoling

Is it this selfish world or my turbulent soul

With a blink of an eye

My world seems to die

Each day seems so heavy

That I can’t explain why

I wake up everyday with a hollow smile

At first it was evident on my face

But I’m tired of answering the same question again and again

I’m okay.. I’m okay.. I screamed at the world

Locked my self in washroom to cry my soul

Put on a smile to hide my scars

And everything seem normal to the people around

I tried, I honestly tried

But with time the mask got dried

I still struggled to wake up bright

Over time I have realized people really don’t care

Whether you open up or you don’t share

I’m done pretending to the world and to myself

Because somewhere in this dark place I found my comfort

So I locked my soul up there

Because that’s whereI belong I guess…

You’re the One

Though it feels like few Miles

We have shared so many Smiles

The bond that we share is so rare

You’re my guardian & best friend

I still remember the silly talks,

Having Chaats and the late night walks

Though it has been 8 years of togetherness

It feels like forever with the same old freshness

Often I wonder what made you the one.

Is it your cheerful nature or the not-so funny puns?

Is it the way you made me feel beautiful inside out?

Or the time you walked that extra mile beyond doubt?

Is it your yummiest tender coconut ice-cream?

Or your hourly lectures to motivate my self-esteem?

Each time saving for me the last few fries

And understanding all my veggie cries,

You know my worst nightmares & my craziest dreams,

Because after all we are in one team,

You can handle all my tantrums and drama,

Love me even in my pyjamas.

You’re patient; you’re humble

And always ready to catch me when I stumble.

Like every ordinary couple we have our ups and downs

But you will always be the king to my crown.

Letting Go….

A lot of us hoped for n number of things in life, material objects that can symbolise our status and success. Many among us wish to own a house, have a fruitful career, and have a happy family. Apart from possessions and recognition, people also desire security and fulfilment of a relationship. When we finally meet our soul partner, we are thrilled and believe that life is now complete. However, when things go off the beam, and the connection reaches an end, we go through mixed emotions that seem like to tear our soul apart. Losing people who are beloved to us leaves us in pain, and we do not understand how to handle it: let go. Letting go of a relationship that has meant everything to us is not a cake walk.

It is tough to even think about losing someone who has given us so much to remember. A person who we wanted to spent our whole life with, the only person whom we were always to rely on, the only person who stood beside us when the rest left us suddenly disappears from our world. Nobody can ever envisage the aching, the agony we would be going through. It would be the time when we feel alone, depressed but each one of us has to undergo this pain some or the other day in our life. When we lose somebody near to us, our world can feel suddenly different and unknown. Without them, we wouldn’t know what to do. 

We start to miss them so much. Even though they are not near, we always carry them in our heart. We may find simple routine tasks nearly impossible to do. On another day we may feel depressed, and the next moment we might be angry toward friends, family, or the world. For some, the experience will be intense, with a quick succession of high and low emotions. But we should always remember that whatever emotion you are feeling is a part of your grieving process.

The hardest part of all to unchain our heart that’s holding on and start to live our life again as nothing has happened at all. At that acute moment, the only thing left with us is the memories of our dear one. These memories work as a ray of sunshine after the storm to bring a smile on our face. Even though it’s meant for a few seconds, we are pleased to have those memories stored. While looking back to the stack of photos, we realise it is the best way of preserving the memories of our dear one. They are the window to our past that was once so beautiful.

The tears flow down while we sit there and attempt to describe that picture. It is probably the most painful memory we have. But whether good or bad, these will only be the things you have with you of your dearly one. There will be so many good moments you shared – It might be the first time you met them, the happy moments you both shared, your marriage, the moments when you fought over silly topics and then try to overcome those fights apologising to each other. These small little moments form a major part of our life through memories.

As we try to move on with our life, we might find that we can think of our loved one and feel happy instead of sad or hurt. Embrace those feelings of joy and happiness, and think of them as the gifts your loved one has provided you. Despite how firm we try, we cannot live in the past nor stay forever in the present. To live, we must move on and look to the future. In spite of several years passing by, the love that we once lost cannot be replaced, as if we have lost a part within us. The aching of that damage stays forever. Still, life goes on, sadly on a different pathway than we assumed. Sometimes it’s the only choice left which becomes the only way to live our life. We need to feel good and live with the memories of a precious one, treasure them and move on in life.

Learning to Say ‘No’

Have you encountered a situation where you had to do something just because you were unable to use the two-letter word ‘No’? I’m sure we all have some or the other time been in a similar situation. It is because from childhood we have been raised to help others no matter whatever the situation. Though some people smartly handled such kind of dilemma, there are few like me sure who are always trapped in such situations.The problem here is we believe that saying no to someone is regarded as being rude. And of course, nobody ever wants to be offensive to someone, especially to our closed ones. I’m not against being kind or helping the person in need.All I want to say is do things that don’t take a toll over you. I remember the lines written by Paulo Coelho

 “When you say yes to others, make sure you are not saying no to yourself.” – Paulo Coelho

say no
There is No Harm in Saying NO

If you are someone who faces these circumstances now and then, I’m sure you could exactly relate to what it feels like to be in such a dilemma. You have become someone who needs approval from other people. Somehow, you have become a people pleaser. The problem here is that you put the needs of others above your own. Being a doer, you thrive on caring for others. I say all this with much confidence because I have walked down that road; I was always on my toe to be there for all. The issue began when I started giving up on my thoughts, feelings and wishes with a hope to make other people happy to make sure that ‘we’ were good.

First of all, remember communication is the key. No matter what, if it is not possible for you to do something, it is your responsibility to communicate it with the other person. You have the right to say No. You don’t have to be aggressive or criticize someone for saying a No. All you got to do is talk out. I know this won’t happen overnight and definitely, it’s going to be tough. You will feel guilty for saying no, but eventually, it will help you re-focus your priorities. I’m not telling you to say no always but be flexible. When we start being authentic with ourselves and to others is when we focus on our life.  

Fall in Love with Yourself…Again…!!!

yourself

Life is a series of ups & down. Just like the bumpy line in your ECG Graph means we are alive whereas a straight graph defines death. Similarly, the highs and lows in our life are proof of our living. There are instances where everything falls apart.  There is a moment where you start hating everything around and more precisely start hating your own existence. Do you remember that particular memory when you can’t stand your own self? It might be due to various reasons, maybe guilt or regret. Maybe you felt that you were not worthy enough for someone else or maybe you disappointed someone or broke someone’s heart. There might be N number of reasons to this feeling but holding on it has never been the solution to it.

All this while, you have been carrying this self-hatred in your heart and because of this, you have forgotten to love yourself completely. Yes, you might have some ugly secrets, committed some of the silliest mistakes or blunders because of which you think that you do not qualify as a good human. But tell me who doesn’t? Nobody over here is a perfect figure. We all are humans and humans are bound to make mistakes and learn from them. We all have done things which we shouldn’t have, said things which we shouldn’t, fell in love with wrong people and let go of the right ones.

But Darling, you have carried this heavy burden in your chest for quite a while and that is suffocating you from within. Because of which you are persistently worried and depressed, and anxiety penetrates around you making way for panic attacks. Your cynical heart has become a breeding ground for demons, who are feeding off on your self-esteem.  And you’re not alone in this. We all are fighting our own demons that are within us. All we need to do is, keep trying and you will be amazed to see how your love can create angels out of your demons.

self love

Love Starts from Within

Never make yourself feel that you are not good enough. You always deserve the best. Are you unable to remember the times when you forgot your own sorrows just to bring a smile on someone else’s face? Do you know about the times you have made a difference in someone’s life without even realizing it? Remember the times when you went out of the way just to help someone in need. If you had forgotten, remember it now.

Do you recall that innocent, loving and caring kid that is still within you, waiting for you to reach out to him/her? All you got to do is, take a step forward towards the old you that is still worthy of love and of everything that you have wished for. Embrace yourself because self-love is the best kind of love. The only person who will be beside you throughout this life journey is You. Because how you love yourself defines how others love you.

The longest relationship you will be in, is with yourself so make sure you keep it safe. Therefore, always stay true to yourself and follow your heart. And you will fall in love yourself again.

Getting Lucky is a Myth?

lucky

We have always heard people using these phrases and sometimes we too say the same things like ‘good luck’, ‘He just got lucky’, ‘If only I had had a spell of luck’, ‘You have a lucky day today’ and so on. Now, what exactly one means by it? No, I’m not asking the actual definition of luck. What I meant is, do we ourselves actually believe in luck in today’s time?

We have seen in our day-to-day life, what influence luck has on our lives. I, myself have experienced this so many times that I already forgot the count. One such incident that I want to share is from my school days. Our teacher had assigned every student a project and it had to be submitted in a week’s time. Since the project was an essential part of our final year score, we all were on our toe to do our best. But there was one guy in our class who was least bother about all this.

I still remember the night before the final submission, I was awake till 2 am; making the final edits in my project. The next day what our teacher announced was a shock to us all. She didn’t even bother to check our projects in fact; she extended the project deadline for 2 weeks. It disheartened all of us who had worked so hard for the whole last week. On the other side, the guy who had not even started with it was laughing over it. Now, you might think of it as just a coincidence but believe me there are incidences where even coincident excuses have failed.

I’m sure many among us do believe in hard work more than the luck factor. And I do not say everything depends on your luck too. I firmly believe in hard work and dedication but somehow somewhere or something always makes me believe in this luck game. I believe that everything happening around happens for a certain reason. A good example of luck is participating in the lottery competition. Picking the winning lottery numbers means that you are actually just picking random numbers and hoping that they turn out to be the lucky numbers. In the end, it all comes down to your luck because we don’t have any control over it.

I have seen people working passionately towards achieving their goal. They have slogged hard, compromise over leisure to reach the position they are at now. I truly believe on the following quote by Paulo Coelho

When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.’

– Paulo Coelho

And I’m sure many of you would agree on it too. For me, hard work and luck go hand-in-hand. That is why always keep doing your best and sooner or later luck will shine upon you.

Love her or Not?

She might not be the easiest girl to fall for. She tends to overthink a lot. Sometimes, she tends to overreact and often gets insecure. If you are with her, she’ll want your complete attention. Even though she doesn’t say much, but she notices every minute detail about you. She doesn’t appreciate fancy gifts, all she wants is your time and love. She is quite skeptical about her choices and therefore requires a lot of assurance.

There are times when she doesn’t know when to stop fighting with you even if she’s wrong and there are days when there is a storm inside her but still prefer to stay Calm. She might shove you away if she senses that you will hurt her. She may not be a Foodie but she can have her favourite food all week round. She might not be a sports enthusiast but outdoor games still do not fail to bring out the child in her. She loves to hang out but at the same time, she is one who would prefer to spend her weekends in the comfort of her home.

Loving her will pressure you, make you anguish, at times break your heart. There will be a time when loving her will test you, challenge you, and might as well change you. It may get so tough that you’ll be lured to walk away; it may get so difficult that you’ll think about giving up, and it may get so intricate that you won’t want to deal with her anymore. Loving her means you get to see her at her worst and most vulnerable and that is something that you’ll have to be strong enough to handle because she needs someone who’s tolerant enough to understand her.

She might not be the best at being loved but she’s pretty amazing at loving. Once you succeed in conquering her heart, you will have the best of her. She is the woman that will not have any second thoughts in giving all she could, just to get the smile on her man’s face. She loves fearlessly, unconditionally and sincerely. She will be the one you can bank upon when the rest of the world becomes cynical. If you’re her Man then you are the Man of her tiny little world too. And if she really is the one for you then She is definitely worth the risk 🙂

25th Birthday – A Letter to the 25 Year old Me

25th Birthday

I do not need a formal introduction, right. Do I? Though we talk on the daily basis, this is the first time I would be writing you a letter because today’s day is different. Since it is your 25th birthday, I thought of just rewinding back time for you. No, no do not take it literally. I do not have a time machine or something. What I meant is that let us just freshen up the core memories of your life. Now that you are entering this new phase of your life, I want you to remember all the happy as well as sad moments of your life that together contributed to helping you grow. Being the sole witness of your life journey, I would love to have reminisced about these wonderful memories.

I still remember the tiny cute little girl who was carefree about everything around. Even after being scold for coming one hour late for the classes every day, she still used to get up late. Those chapattis, which aatya (aunt) used to feed, were like a start button to open your eyes. In addition, the tantrums that you used to show while shopping were countless (still is :p). You are really a very choosy person from childhood. Remember that day when you purchased that cute red velvet color dress and you wanted to wear red sandals on it. Therefore, you roamed the entire market with your aunt just to purchase the right one for yourself. You are not really a fight person. You will argue and debate but fighting has always scared you from childhood.
I recall the time when your class boy used to trouble you. He also broke your teeth once but somehow you could not really fight him back. You love watching horror movies or listening to ghost stories. I guess this developed from your childhood. Since every night dad use to narrate bedtime ghost stories and you really enjoyed listening to them. Do you remember the time when you got less marks in your class test and your tuition teacher had asked you to get it signed by your parents? You were so scared to show it up to your parents that you tried to copy your dad’s signature. The next day, teacher called up your dad to cross check it. Ha-ha… Not a good memory of what happened after that but that day certainly taught you a lot.
One of the incidents that I hark back to was the time when everyone used to threaten you about sending you for a dance class. Since you are the shy type, you were scared of public appearances. However, there was a point when you were so fed-up with their intimidation that you decided to overcome your fear. You made that bold decision of participating in the dance performance at your school annual day. This incident certainly made you a courageous person. Since then there was no looking back, you have performed in every event at the school and have won many prizes for the same. I have never seen you as obsess by anything like the one you had for the cycle. Every time, you would go shopping with mom you used to stand in front of that cycle store admiring all the cycles and then cribbing for one: p
Do you remember that accident which happened just a day before the annual day? You had participated in a group dance. You gathered with all your friends for your final practice and that is when you had a fall and got injuries on your head. You had four stitches behind your left ear but even at that moment, all you were thinking was about your performance. You did not want to spoil your team performance just because of that incident. Even with all those stitches on your head, you pulled out the performance incredibly, because, for you, your people’s problems are much more important than your own troubles.
From childhood, you have faced your fears bravely. Remember the school elections. How your elder sister convinced you to stand for head girl’s position in the school and you were scared to death because that would have involved public facing which you hated to the core. Nevertheless, since it was her dream, you decided to give it a try. The students participating were distributing chocolates and gifts but you decided to play fairly. I still remember how you sat on your bench putting your head down when the principal was announcing the names. Moreover, you could not believe that you won the head girl title until the time you did not confirm it with your friend. That was certainly a turning point because that position did teach you many things.
You have always been a reserved person. That is why; even in school, you tended to make very few friends. You did not like opening up to people somehow, you failed to trust people easily. So slowly, you started to share your thoughts in your diary and that is where your writing habit was hail from. I remember how consistently you worked hard for your boards. I have seen all your struggle and hard work closely. However, you did not meet your expectations but you have certainly excelled with flying colours securing the third rank in school.
In addition, the time when you had that cute confusion which made you fall for the right person in your life. The morning you sat regretting and expecting things, which made you to, finally confess your love. And that’s what bloomed a beautiful relationship, which has now grown deeply. Like every teenage kid, you still were confused about your career path. Being a child you always wanted to become a dentist (god knows what made you think about it) but as the years passed by it slowly moved towards engineering and when the results were finally out you still weren’t sure about it. Therefore, you choose B.Sc.IT since you were interested in technology. However, with each semester you realized that was not something you wish to do. Somehow, somewhere, something struck that motivated you towards writing. Moreover, the published review article in Film Fare Magazine certainly opened a door that directed you towards the writing field. Hence, you took up your first job as a Content Writer.
With years flipping down, you have filled your life’s bucket with enormous memories that you can hark back on. Memories that made you laugh, cry or angry. Some broke you apart while some strengthen your will. However, more importantly these memories made you the person you are today. Surely, you have made many mistakes and some of the silliest ones but they all rest in past.
Being with you for almost 25 years now, I understand your thoughts, your fears, your goals and your emotions too. I know people always misjudge you by your behavior but I know deep down how much you care for the people around. I have seen you go that extra mile for people who do not even value it but you never gave up since your close ones mean the world to you. I know exactly what you are going through now as the quarter-life crisis stroke you hard. A lot of pressure surrounds you regarding your job, career & family. Nevertheless, I want you to understand that this is the stage, which makes you skeptical about your own life but at no cost, you will let this affect your happiness. It is OK to be imperfect, it is OK to make mistakes as you are still learning and it is totally fine to fail. Just remember that never stop trying no matter what the situation.
It might feel like time has slipped from your palms but remember that life has just begun my dear. Do not let you temporary insecurities ruined your internal peace. You have always been a responsible child and you will always be. Just because certain things do not work according to your plan that does not mean you are doing something wrong. There is so much to life, embrace it. I just want to tell you that I am proud of you so do not get demotivated for silly reasons. You are a strong and a smart girl. You have made some of the wisest decisions in your life. You have the courage to fight the oddest day with the brightest smile. Just do not lose hope and always believe in your doings. Life has always been a rollercoaster ride and it will be the same in the future. However, it is on you how you want to take this ride. Whether you want to enjoy it to the fullest or be scared, close your eyes and miss the experience.
One thing that I want you to do is to give yourself the permission to be everything you can be. Don’t hold back just because of your fears. Promise me one thing that you will always keep your passion burning in your heart and never be sorry for who you are. There will be obstacles, hard times, and moments where your mind takes you to a dark place but remember we have been there and each time bounced back more strongly. Even though you are in a haze of our future, trust your beings that everything will fall into place. No matter whatever you do, I will always be there beside you so do not worry too much. Have fun and enjoy every moment!
Stay strong and true to yourself
Congratulations on completing a milestone and good luck for the future.
Happy 25th Birthday Smiley

Much Love

Vrushali😊