Miss You – Wish you could come back

Dear Aatya,

Though it has been 7 years now since you left us all behind somehow I still feel your presence around. Whenever I come home, I feel you will be there in the kitchen cooking meal for us, watching your daily soaps or grinding baby food on millstones. Life has surely changed for all of us, the day you left this world. You were the homemaker, the one that connected us all together. Not a day passes by when you are not missed.

I wish you were here during didi’s wedding, I know your happiness would knew no bound. Since the day we were born, we three were more than niece to you. You were our second mother. I can imagine the excitement and glow on your face during her wedding and how you would enthusiastically participate in all the preparations. I still remember how much you loved to get dressed up. Time passes by so fast.

I still remember the time when I was crying so bad on my first day at school and you handed me a chocolate and convince me to go to school. Mummy could only work carefreely because she always had your back. You were there to look after us. Every morning you fed me breakfast, gave me a bath, took me to school and came back to pick me up.

It was your daily routine. I miss lying in your lap while watching TV. The time when you use to convince mom to buy me the toy I loved and when you even convinced didi to do my homework each time just because I gave excuses for not feeling well. You were always there for me like a guarding angel.The day when the doctor broke the news of your kidney failure hit us so hard. I can never forget the 15 days spent in that hospital.

I know you were scared a lot from inside but you fought it like a brave woman. All the dialysis procedures were slowly killing you inside and somewhere us too seeing you in all that pain. But nothing works before God’s will. I still remember the day before your death when you were sitting on the hospital bed. I was leaving for home and said you bye but you didn’t respond and I patted you and said you bye again but you ignored it. So I left but while going I just happened to turn back and I saw you smiling at me and waving bye. I smiled and waved back at you and left for home happily.

The next day when I came back from college I heard that your condition was critical. Without any second thoughts I was rushing to the hospital but on my way, I got the news that you could not make it up. I went blank in the middle of the road and start moaning. All the memories just flooded in. I remember the last night when you waved at me smilingly and I wish I could go back to that time and hug you back. That single memory still never fails to give me goosebumps. It was your last goodbye to me. I never imagined it would be so heartbreaking.

I know you are at peace now but a part of you will remain with us forever. I wish I could have you by my side always. I know you are looking at us from above and I hope I could make you proud someday. I Love you and I Miss you.

I just wanted to dedicate a song to you which always reminds me of you-

“You tucked me in, turn out the light

Kept me safe and sound at night

Little girls depend on things like that

Brushed my teeth and combed my hair

Had to drive me everywhere

You were always there when

I looked back

You had to do it all alone

Make a living and make a home

Must have been as hard as it could’ve been

And when I couldn’t sleep at night

Scared things wouldn’t turn out right

You were there to hold my hand and sing to me

Caterpillar in the tree

How you wonder who you’ll be

Can’t go far but you can always dream

Wish you may and wish you might

Don’t you worry, hold on tight

I promise you there will come a day

Butterfly fly away

Butterfly fly away

Butterfly fly away”


(Butterfly fly away – Song by Miley Cyrus)

Yours lovingly,

Vrushu

Unload your Emotional Luggage

Life can sometime come at us so fast and furious that hopelessness can invade our hearts. It can get just downright boring and depressing. It also might give us time to turn our focus on ourselves such that we find it not worth it to live any longer. The feeling of sheer hopelessness and self-hatred escorts depression. There will be times you be awake at night feeling like your head will burst. It is because every bad thought is circling around and around persistently.

Angry at God, at the world, at family, at friends, or just about anybody can make us send a message by doing the ultimate selfish act of suicide. But suicide was never an answer nor will it ever be. There will be a time when you feel, there is nothing to live for. The voice over your head might be over powering you but you have to realize that it is wrong. You will need time to get strong enough to challenge it. Sometimes it might be difficult to deal with problems all alone. At such times try talking to someone who is close to you. Talking over the issues and getting consult might help you to reduce the stress. It will also help in overcoming the worries.

It might become difficult to live with a heavy heart that might suffocate. No matter how long you have been in that hole, how deep it is or how hopeless it seems to attempt to climb out of it, you have to overcome the demon inside you. There is no magic spill to cure depression and anxiety; it is you will that makes it possible although the correct medications do play a vital role in recovery.

Depression can happen for multiple reasons. It can be failure in your career, loss of someone dear to you or even the feeling of being left alone. At times, we may feel completely lost. We aren’t lost, but that’s how we felt. However we have to realize that after the loss of a dear one, our life changes completely. There might be a time when you unexpectedly face failure, but you should always remember that failure is our first step towards success. You might want to go back to how it was, but you can’t go back.

You have to struggle a lot to overcome your grief. You have to learn to accept what you cannot change. Acceptance allows us to use our pain as a means of growth.The first step towards recovery is the decision to be in recovery; to value our self and put a stop to self-destructive behavior. You should be kind to yourself, talk to yourself as you would to someone that you love and never get disheartened by the bad times because they will be for short span of time.

Birthday Wish…Dear Love

Woah..!! Looked at you. A full grown man already. So how does it feel to have walked this earth a quarter of a century? Insane right? Haha but it is definititely a memorable experience. I’m writing this as a letter to you because I consider myself an essential part of your life as you are to mine. You know how bad i’m at communicating so i prefer to pen down my feelings.

I still remember the young enthusiastic you, with eyes full of dreams to conquer. I may not have said this before but i admired the way you look at things differently. Maybe that’s why i fall for you so easily. I have seen the best of you and the worst of you. Most importantly i have seen you grow. I still remember the time when you were struggling to get a job; being out whole day,waiting for your round and that too when you were barely 18. The time when you got your first salary n you wanted to buy me something. I was so happy seeing you happy.

I have seen the hardships you faced due to the family problems. Even after it, i rejoice the moment you fulfilled your dream of getting your favourite bike. All by yourself. Over the years, you have grown so much and you still never fail to impress me. I just want to tell you you’ve made me so proud. Years have passed by giving us so many life changing experiences and lessons that helped us grow. I want you to enter this new phase of your life with the same spirit that you had in your early days and with bright hopes for the future.

I know at times it feels like you’ve lived an eternity, and other times you are reminded about how far you have to go yet. Life seems to be moving in slow motion and hyper speed at the same time. There are days where you feel completely in control of your life, and days when you don’t know which way is up. You’ve had your ups and downs and you will have highs and lows; that’s what life is all about, right? But through all of these, one thing that will always be beside you is my love.

With years our priorities and responsibilities will shift and you might see your perspective constantly being stretched, twisted, and redefined through experiences that you will have. Then there will be time when you doubt and question every recent decision you’ve made or that you will make.

“Am I doing the right thing?”

“Am I where I’m supposed to be?”

“How come I can’t seem to win?”

But you should stay calm and work out things your way. Always remember that you can’t appreciate winning until you’ve experienced losing. All the struggles that you had or will have will sharpened your sense of self and strengthened your resilience. There are personality traits you’ve been able to tweak, strengthen, and even shed when necessary. But the one that has stayed strong throughout your life is your passion to be the best.

Be grateful for being blessed with amazing people around you, who support, and teach you so much. No matter how many differences, your family will always stand behind you and back you with love and support you through thick and thin.

So at 25, it’s become evident that even though you have experienced a lot and learned more, you’ve only just begun. Call it cliché, but everything happens for a reason. The lowest lows can be the best lessons; lessons needed for later use. Do what you can with what you have and keep your vision fixated on your goals. With this, I wish you all the very best in whatever you do and always remember no matter what, I’ll always be there to provide comfort and stand by you in your hard times and applaud you for your success.

Happy 25th Birthday Darling!

Love – A mere feeling or an obsession for life

Last week, my 2-year-old nephew asked me a sweet question. He asked me what love is. which actually made me rethink my definition of love. So what exactly is love? For me, it is something more than just an emotion. It is something that has binds us all together. It is feeling that holds the strength of making even the impossible possible. It’s a touch of warmth and care. Something that is so pure like the innocence of children.

Love has no definite definition; it is everything that we do for the person we care for. It is when your mom cooks your favourite dinner for you or your dad gives the last piece of his pizza to you just because you like it, or when your sibling saves you from getting scold or when your friend helps you in shopping. Love is found in the simplest of things. One doesn’t always have to gift fancy gifts or take you out for expensive dinner dates. It is not something that you need to show always, it is something that needs to be felt.

Love is not always a bed of roses. Sometimes there are thorns too. It is graceful. It is stubborn. It is restful. It is wild. It sometimes is gentle and sometimes tough. It ties you down and at the same time helps you fly. It strengthens you within and sometimes makes you vulnerable too. Nowadays, we tend to take love for granted. You can’t just fake love; it is something that is natural. It is sweet sacrifices and compromises that we do for our loved ones. It not about ‘me’, it is more about ‘you’ and ‘we’ and that what’s making it so special.

The understanding of other person’s point of view and respecting their thinking is what defines love. But remember, love is a two-way street and never should be walked down alone. Never beg down for your love and self-respect. You can’t just force things on somebody just because you believe it. What matter is how you make them believe in it and how you appreciate the differences? Love is a butterfly that will fly away if you run behind it but will come and sit on your shoulder if you embrace it. It is like sand in your palm. The more you try hard to hold it, the more you will lose it.

If you genuinely care about the person, you should respect their set of decisions, guide them whenever needed but always take their thoughts into consideration. A little jealousy and possessiveness are always healthy in a relationship but never make it your definition. We tend to develop an ownership of the person we love. Surely, it is natural that we want to feel important and special in that person’s life and there’s is nothing wrong about it. But being bossy and dominating in a relationship is certainly not the right thing to do

Love is happiness and it should not make you or your partner feel frustrated and irritated. If the relation is getting toxic day-by-day, it is advisable to end it on a good note rather than dragging yourself in it. Learn to solve your issues maturely by communicating transparently rather than just shouting at the top of your voice and humiliating the other person. Every relation will have fights and difference of opinions but how you manage to overcome them is what defines love.

What do you think? Do share your views on it in the comment section below.

Strangers with Memories

“Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get.”

 Forrest Gump


True, to this line. Life is certainly unpredictable nowadays. You will never know what’s lying ahead in the future. Sometime it might appear as if you have a control over it and the next moment you find it uncontrollable. Life is a journey without a passport, no matter whatever happens you just have to keep travelling till the last stop i.e., death. Life waits for no one. You will meet several passengers in your expedition but not all will be there with you till the end.

Always remember the people who we meet in our life, meet for a reason. Not all encounters would be enthralling; there will be some that will tear us apart. We find souls with whom our lives intersect in such a way that we feel like it could never be separated. But it is distressing how a person whom we knew so well, with whom we shared our deepest secrets, fears, and happiness; have now become a stranger for life – A stranger that only shares a plethora of memories. There will be certain people who will not be in our life but a part of them will be there with us forever. No matter what, they will always have a piece of our heart.

There will be times when you will miss them badly. The places or restaurant you visited together, the songs you dedicated to each other or the time when you talked for hours will remind you about the beautiful time you shared with them, leaving behind a small grin on your face. It is sad that some people leave us for their selfish motives and reminisces about their memories with us become more painful. We tend to question our own senses and try to build up walls around us just because they stabbed us.

Don’t restrict yourself just because someone is incapable of finding your worth in their life. If they couldn’t value your presence in their life, it’s their loss, not yours. Keep no regrets, forgive often, and live to the fullest. Even though things didn’t end well, it had started great. Concentrate on the good things and let go off the bad memories. Keep all the memories alive in your heart because they are the happy moments that need to be cherished forever.

RIP Sridevi – Life is so Uncertain

Sridevi

This sunday morning was not just like any other day. It brought with it the most shocking news for all. Today we lost one of the legendary actress in Indian cinema, Mrs. Sridevi Kapoor, the most inspiring, talented and graceful personality. News channel announced that she had a cardiac arrest and was rushed to the hospital but could not make it and took her last breath yesterday night. I have still not been able to soak this harsh truth. But this incident surely hit hard on our face making us realize the cruelty of life. Life today has become so unpredictable, one moment you would be enjoying to the fullest with your loved one and the next moment all that is left is their memories. Each day is counted infact each minute is important. That is why it is essential to make the most of it because every minute you spend being sad is the lost 60 seconds of happiness.You only get one life so , don’t hold grudges against anyone, forgive often, smile constant and live life to the fullest because time waits for no one.Tomorrow is promised to No man. No matter who you are. You can’t plan anything because tomorrow can be a day you never expected to be. So this teaches us to live in the moment. Make sure you make the most of every second every minute of your life.

I remember the very famous bollywood song lines which you will totally agree to:

‘Zindagi EK Safar Hai Suhana Yaha Kal Kya Ho Kisne Jaana’

#RIPSridevi Will Miss you

A Baggage of Feelings

Something pinch me today very badly. Am I a stranger to myself? All this time I bottled up my emotions, because I thought that was the best thing to do. To stop over thinking about the things that makes me sad. That’s what we all are taught always- to let go off the things that bothers us. And each time this things stroked me hard on my face, I let them go. But today all of a sudden this storm waves crossed the seashore destroying everything that came in the middle.

I question myself each time ‘am I doing the right thing?’ And each time I got the same answer- I dont know. Whom was I fooling all this while? Myself or the World? People say the world doesn’t care, then why do we care so much about the world? Because ultimately that’s where we belong. Do you share the same feeling?

With each passing day, my life is taking a huge turn and i’m juggling to survive in this ruthless world. I know somewhere at a point i have to stop it by myself. Sometimes I be selfish, I act crazy and sometimes I be a completely different person. It’s sounds funny like am going through split personality disorder. One moment i’m the happiest person on the earth, laughing my lungs out and the next moment I found myself surrounded by anxiety and depression. Life has its own way to serve you what you deserve.

One of the major thing which i realize during all of this trauma was, how you trigger your mind determines your way of life. The people close to you plays a vital role to help you escape from this Bermuda triangle of sorrow. Your parents, your friends or your loved one, whomever you are comfortable talking to. Just talk out it out your concerns with them and that will certainly have a positive impact on your life. It is always better to vomit out the poison of negative thoughts that would damage your soul.
Like they say it’s all in the head, don’t let the outer uncertainty destroy your inner peace. Life surely is a roller-coaster ride and not all days will be similar always. But in the end it’s all about how you make the most of it. So, live life worry less, Smile often and make the best of it 🙂

Anniversary- 3rd FEB – A Day that changed Everything

ANNIVERSARY

Happy 7th Anniversary 🙂

It all started with a mere wink at the college entrance. I still remember the orientation program at our college. It was the first time we exchanged smile. The smile that brew a heart warming friendship between us which turn out into a beautiful relation within a blink of an eye. I don’t know what attracted me towards you. Maybe your loving soul or your caring heart. Maybe your friendly appearance or your ambitious mind. Maybe your tikki nok jok with me 😉 or just your mere presence in my life.

You remember our first touch, the first time we held our hands- we never thought it would be for life time.

Our first kiss- that is the sweetest mistake we ever did;)

Our first date- I still remember the sunset at the beach. That beautiful end of a day started a beautiful relation for lifetime.

Over the years, our relation have gone through many storms(some of the deadliest storms) but it is astonishing to watched how it has helped us grow stronger each time.

Sometimes you know, i just feel like leaving you and going away because resorting to that seems to be the easiest option. And then i realize that with just a sentence, how shattered we would be.

How it would bring about the destruction of more than one emotion. I realize that i’ll know your importance only after you leave because that’s what they always say. But actually coming to think of it, i would really wonder about how amongst the millions of fishes in the sea, you are the nicest and cutest one.

About how people have swam out of my life so easily, moving on with the waves. About how you cooperate and adapt to every stupid thing i do and still choose to swim along.

About how hard it is to find someone who appreciates and motivates me like you do. And the one that scares me the most, about how difficult it would be for me and how many miles i would have to swim to try to find someone like you and how lucky i am right now.

I would realize how i would be losing out on a best friend; a person i chose to trust after so many years, a person i chose for myself. I’m sorry for the times i made you feel crap and acted unreasonably.

On this special day, i just want to thank you for standing there for me always, for believing in me and making me believe in myself, for handling all my tantrums patiently, for making me laugh when i found it difficult to even smile, and for loving me as i’m.

I Love You

Passion Follows

Passion Writing

I love to write… I buy tons of journals excited because they all begin blank than I slowly fill the pages with random thoughts, quotes and sayings. My passion for writing started when I was in 7th grade. English classes were great, but creative writing assignments made them better! I was more content with creative writing, rather than learning basic grammar rules. Slowly it turned out to be a hobby.

I’m an introvert person; I really don’t like to share my feelings with anyone. In fact I would love to write down my feelings rather than expressing it to any one. I write because sometimes I can’t talk to anyone maybe it’s because fear of judgment or just being left alone. I never knew I’d come to love writing as much as I do. Writing is like a best friend. My writing comforts me when I’m upset, & excites me when I think about certain people whom I cherish.

I would like to write short stories. Sometimes I have even been unsuccessful at my attempts. This will not stop my efforts to do so. I’ll just have to keep on trying. I now hope to have a professional writing career in the future. I want to turn my hobby into my career, overcoming my drawbacks.

Few months back, I wrote a short love story which I even shared with my friends. Reading it, they were very happy and insisted me upon making writing as my career. I love reading novels. I know I’m not the most perfect writer, and no one ever is. It takes time, but it’s worth the trials & triumphs. I want to see my self as a professional writer. And I really wish to see my name on the published book.