Letting Go….

A lot of us hoped for n number of things in life, material objects that can symbolise our status and success. Many among us wish to own a house, have a fruitful career, and have a happy family. Apart from possessions and recognition, people also desire security and fulfilment of a relationship. When we finally meet our soul partner, we are thrilled and believe that life is now complete. However, when things go off the beam, and the connection reaches an end, we go through mixed emotions that seem like to tear our soul apart. Losing people who are beloved to us leaves us in pain, and we do not understand how to handle it: let go. Letting go of a relationship that has meant everything to us is not a cake walk.

It is tough to even think about losing someone who has given us so much to remember. A person who we wanted to spent our whole life with, the only person whom we were always to rely on, the only person who stood beside us when the rest left us suddenly disappears from our world. Nobody can ever envisage the aching, the agony we would be going through. It would be the time when we feel alone, depressed but each one of us has to undergo this pain some or the other day in our life. When we lose somebody near to us, our world can feel suddenly different and unknown. Without them, we wouldn’t know what to do. 

We start to miss them so much. Even though they are not near, we always carry them in our heart. We may find simple routine tasks nearly impossible to do. On another day we may feel depressed, and the next moment we might be angry toward friends, family, or the world. For some, the experience will be intense, with a quick succession of high and low emotions. But we should always remember that whatever emotion you are feeling is a part of your grieving process.

The hardest part of all to unchain our heart that’s holding on and start to live our life again as nothing has happened at all. At that acute moment, the only thing left with us is the memories of our dear one. These memories work as a ray of sunshine after the storm to bring a smile on our face. Even though it’s meant for a few seconds, we are pleased to have those memories stored. While looking back to the stack of photos, we realise it is the best way of preserving the memories of our dear one. They are the window to our past that was once so beautiful.

The tears flow down while we sit there and attempt to describe that picture. It is probably the most painful memory we have. But whether good or bad, these will only be the things you have with you of your dearly one. There will be so many good moments you shared – It might be the first time you met them, the happy moments you both shared, your marriage, the moments when you fought over silly topics and then try to overcome those fights apologising to each other. These small little moments form a major part of our life through memories.

As we try to move on with our life, we might find that we can think of our loved one and feel happy instead of sad or hurt. Embrace those feelings of joy and happiness, and think of them as the gifts your loved one has provided you. Despite how firm we try, we cannot live in the past nor stay forever in the present. To live, we must move on and look to the future. In spite of several years passing by, the love that we once lost cannot be replaced, as if we have lost a part within us. The aching of that damage stays forever. Still, life goes on, sadly on a different pathway than we assumed. Sometimes it’s the only choice left which becomes the only way to live our life. We need to feel good and live with the memories of a precious one, treasure them and move on in life.

Miss You – Wish you could come back

Dear Aatya,

Though it has been 7 years now since you left us all behind somehow I still feel your presence around. Whenever I come home, I feel you will be there in the kitchen cooking meal for us, watching your daily soaps or grinding baby food on millstones. Life has surely changed for all of us, the day you left this world. You were the homemaker, the one that connected us all together. Not a day passes by when you are not missed.

I wish you were here during didi’s wedding, I know your happiness would knew no bound. Since the day we were born, we three were more than niece to you. You were our second mother. I can imagine the excitement and glow on your face during her wedding and how you would enthusiastically participate in all the preparations. I still remember how much you loved to get dressed up. Time passes by so fast.

I still remember the time when I was crying so bad on my first day at school and you handed me a chocolate and convince me to go to school. Mummy could only work carefreely because she always had your back. You were there to look after us. Every morning you fed me breakfast, gave me a bath, took me to school and came back to pick me up.

It was your daily routine. I miss lying in your lap while watching TV. The time when you use to convince mom to buy me the toy I loved and when you even convinced didi to do my homework each time just because I gave excuses for not feeling well. You were always there for me like a guarding angel.The day when the doctor broke the news of your kidney failure hit us so hard. I can never forget the 15 days spent in that hospital.

I know you were scared a lot from inside but you fought it like a brave woman. All the dialysis procedures were slowly killing you inside and somewhere us too seeing you in all that pain. But nothing works before God’s will. I still remember the day before your death when you were sitting on the hospital bed. I was leaving for home and said you bye but you didn’t respond and I patted you and said you bye again but you ignored it. So I left but while going I just happened to turn back and I saw you smiling at me and waving bye. I smiled and waved back at you and left for home happily.

The next day when I came back from college I heard that your condition was critical. Without any second thoughts I was rushing to the hospital but on my way, I got the news that you could not make it up. I went blank in the middle of the road and start moaning. All the memories just flooded in. I remember the last night when you waved at me smilingly and I wish I could go back to that time and hug you back. That single memory still never fails to give me goosebumps. It was your last goodbye to me. I never imagined it would be so heartbreaking.

I know you are at peace now but a part of you will remain with us forever. I wish I could have you by my side always. I know you are looking at us from above and I hope I could make you proud someday. I Love you and I Miss you.

I just wanted to dedicate a song to you which always reminds me of you-

“You tucked me in, turn out the light

Kept me safe and sound at night

Little girls depend on things like that

Brushed my teeth and combed my hair

Had to drive me everywhere

You were always there when

I looked back

You had to do it all alone

Make a living and make a home

Must have been as hard as it could’ve been

And when I couldn’t sleep at night

Scared things wouldn’t turn out right

You were there to hold my hand and sing to me

Caterpillar in the tree

How you wonder who you’ll be

Can’t go far but you can always dream

Wish you may and wish you might

Don’t you worry, hold on tight

I promise you there will come a day

Butterfly fly away

Butterfly fly away

Butterfly fly away”


(Butterfly fly away – Song by Miley Cyrus)

Yours lovingly,

Vrushu